It has been somewhat sobering to look at my Twitter feed the past couple days and realize that I know absolutely nothing about most of the players being selected in the First-Year Player Draft. Fortunately, I still know silly names, so I took a look through the first 15 rounds to see if any stood out.
Of course, several did.
I originally had a few more on here (Byron Buxton, for example), but ended up dropping them. Then I tried writing some witty capsules for each player that made the cut, but every single joke felt hacky and played out, so I decided not to do that. One thing must be said, however: whenever I see the name “Buttrey,” my brain turns it into “Buttery.” I shall call him “Croissant.”
Also, Damien Magnifico should wear a cape to the mound and loudly declare, “MAGNIFICO!” after each strikeout. Sorry. I’ll stop now.
Stryker Trahan (26), C, Arizona Diamondbacks
Patrick Wisdom (52), 3B, St. Louis Cardinals
Kieran Lovegrove (110), RHP, Chicago Cubs
Ty Buttrey (151), RHP, Boston Red Sox
Chuck Taylor (153), CF, Arizona Diamondbacks
Spencer Kieboom (174), C, Washington Nationals
Damien Magnifico (185), RHP, Milwaukee Brewers
David Otterman (245), LHP, Milwaukee Brewers
Jamodrick McGruder (281), 2B, Seattle Mariners
River Stevens (285), IF, San Diego Padres
Dakota Bacus (289), RHP, Oakland A’s
Zebulon Sneed (343), RHP, Kansas City Royals
Max Foody (390), LHP, St. Louis Cardinals
Mike Meyers (391), SS, Boston Red Sox
Keone Kela (396), RHP, Texas Rangers
Zachary Taylor (398), OF, Philadelphia Phillies
Phildrick Llewellyn (423), C, Arizona Diamondbacks
Hunter Scantling (454), RHP, Detroit Tigers
There are 25 more rounds scheduled for tomorrow, with more awesome names surely in store, as well as the unveiling of Mr. Don’t Count Him Out (I’m assuming I can legally use that phrase). Stay tuned.